Jim: What are you doing?
Pam: Oh, nothing.
Jim: “Till Death Do Us Rock.”
Pam: They’re wedding bands.
Pam: Roy was supposed to pick the band, but he’s concentrating more on the bachelor party now.
Jim: Wait, wait, where you going? I mean, even if you don’t hire a band, you still have to watch the bands. Pam, these are people who have never given up on their dreams. I have great respect for that. And, yes, they’re all probably very bad and that will make me feel better about not having dreams.
Pam: There’s a KISS cover band in here.
Jim: Let’s do it.
Pam: I’m pretty happy these days. I’m getting married soon and I’m getting along with everybody at work.
Jim: Are you kidding?
Dwight: Well, I’m not done yet.
Jim: Dwight. This fits in the palm of my hand. You haven’t blown ‘em up enough. Why have you chosen brown and gray balloons?
Dwight: They match the carpet
Jim: What is that? It is your birthday period.
Dwight: It’s a statement of fact.
Jim: Not even an exclamation point?
Dwight: This is more professional. It’s not like she discovered a cure for cancer.
Jim: I can’t believe how bad this looks.
Jim: You know, you don’t have to answer calls during a party. Just thought you should know.
Pam: No, I was just checking out my present. [holds up teapot]
Jim: But ..
Pam: I traded with Dwight. Just, I figured, you know, you went to a lot of trouble and it means a lot. And also, Roy got me an iPod or was going to get me an iPod, so ..
Jim: Well, either way. This is an amazing gift because it comes with bonus gifts. Look inside.
Pam: [opens teapot] Oh my god! The yearbook picture!
Pam: Oh, my God! It’s incredible. [Jim reaches and steals his card back before she can notice it] Is this the Boggle timer?
Jim: I didn’t think you were going to get that one. I really didn’t.
Michael: Push. Good! That’s great. You got it. [Kevin’s phone rings] Excuse me.
Kevin: Hello? Yeah okay. Alright. Okay, I will, thanks. [hangs up] It was negative.
Michael: Oh… God… [stomps] God! [throws hockey stick and yellow paper bracelet down] We’re gonna beat this, okay? We’re gonna… come here [hugs Kevin].
Michael: Well, apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real world community, that would… be… chaos.
Dwight: I have left Dunder-Mifflin after many record-breaking years and am officially on the job market. And it’s very exciting.
Dwight: For your convenience, I’ve broken it down into three parts: professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and Dwight Schrute trivia.
Dwight: I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me.
Dwight: How would I describe myself? Three words. Hard-working, Alpha male, Jackhammer, Merciless, Insatiable.
Dwight: There is nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon.
Dwight: [in Staples uniform] I got this job to make some money while I continue my employment search. And uh, it’s fine for the time being. Oops. Break’s over.
Holly: I have to unpack this weekend but maybe next weekend we go to the outlets!
Darryl: Mike you’ll drive this every weekend?
Michael: We’re gonna switch back and forth, the driving. Sometimes we’ll just meet in the middle. It’ll be fun. Wait a sec. Oh I love this song.
Michael and Holly: Life is a highway, I want to ride it all night long.
Michael, Holly, and Darryl: If you’re going my way, I wanna drive you all night long! If you’re going my way…
Michael: Attention, everyone! Hello! Ah, yes! I just want you to know that, uh, this is not my decision, but from here on out… we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here we must only discuss work-associated things. And, uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future, if I want to say something funny or witty or do an impression, I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include ‘That’s What She Said’?
Michael: Mmmhmm. Yes.
Jim: Wow. That is really hard… You really think you can go all day long?… Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so…
Michael: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!
Jan: Michael. MICHAEL!
Michael: [laughing] Come on.
Jan: Michael, please.
Todd Packer: There he is.
Michael: Mwah! [kisses hand and salutes office]
Todd Packer: There he is. Good one.
Pam: Michael and Jan definitely made out.
Pam: Maybe more.
Jim: Eck!… Oh! Also, it is Thursday, but Dwight thinks it’s Friday. So, keep that goin’.
Pam: Oh, yay!
The Office :D I love it. -bashfulasatribaldance
Me too, my friend. I love summer break but the only downside is that all of the shows I watch go on break too. I will be SO happy to see The Office return because I miss these characters so very much (and because of HOLLY FREAKING FLAX).
Michael: Oh, and another fun thing. We, at the end of the night, are going to give the check to an actual group of Boy Scouts. Right, Toby? We’re gonna…
Toby: Actually, I didn’t think it was appropriate to invite children since it’s… You know, there’s gambling and alcohol, and it’s in our dangerous warehouse and it’s a school night… And, you know, Hooters is catering. You know, is that enough? Should I keep going?
Michael: Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not… that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be. Okay, you know what? I will not donate my winnings to Comic Relief, since apparently it doesn’t exist. I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Jim: I think you mean the aid to Afghanistan.
Michael: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Michael: That’s a dog.
Pam: No, that’s Afghan.
Michael: That’s a shawl.
Dwight: Wait, canine AIDS?
Michael: No. Humans with AIDS.
Creed: Who has AIDS?
Jim: Guys, the Afghanistananies.
Michael: Okay, you know what? No. No. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried.
Requested by soulexplosion.